A friend on Facebook posted a fun translated list of travel tips for visitors to America from Japanese websites. Since there was no German equivalent on the site, I was inspired to browse some German sites on my own to get some Teutonic perspective on my home country. I may try to put together a digest of some gems later, but this travel-advice page’s description of American bread was too good not to dedicate a whole post to.

My translation:

When you can, I recommend making your own meals, at least where breakfast is concerned. Every supermarket has every food known in Germany – and in larger sizes and quantities. However: bread – and rolls – are a horror to every German. A Chicago hard roll is related, at least genetically, to the normal German roll; everything else is rubber. Try, in some unobserved moment, squeezing a loaf. It squishes! And once you let go, it resumes its original shape. It’s the same when you chew it. Don’t let yourself be blinded by the resemblance of some loaves to rye bread. It’s still gummi bread.

If you’re lucky, you might find a German baker somewhere. That, however, will require its own dedicated vacation fund.

Sorry, America, but he’s got a point.

-Ben